I love you because I know no other way
by reichnbatch
Summary: "First of all, there was a very important subject to be talked about: his beautiful and extraordinary wife used to think he didn't love her, and it's obviously a lie. How could anyone not love River Song?"


Yes, I can't stop writing about them! It happens just before the end of The Husbands of River Song, so be careful with spoilers.  
It's a gift for my dear friend Luana because she is beauty and she is grace, and she is probably too kind to punch you in the face (but she can, anyway).  
Title from "Poem XVII" by Pablo Neruda

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Twenty-four years. It seemed a long time in the first night, while she drank wine and smiled fondly at him, but he knew it would pass as a second, so he must enjoy it like it's the last day. Soon, it would be.

But, first of all, there was a very important subject to be talked about: his beautiful and extraordinary wife used to think he didn't love her, and it's obviously a lie. How could anyone not love River Song?

"So…" He started tentatively, gulping nervously. They were lying in bed, ready to sleep before a day full of adventures, some annoying and uncalled husbands and a pleasant date. As background music, they could still hear the towers singing.

"So…" She tried to incentive him to speak.

"About what you said earlier today…" He took her hand, resting against her pillow, between his, squeezing gently. "You know you were wrong, right? You are wrong. Bowtie me, me myself, we…" His voice died in the end.

"Well, how could I know?" Although it was clearly a criticism, her voice was soft "You had never told it to me."

"I had never said otherwise, as well."

"And is it enough? Frankly, sweetie, sometimes you are just hopeless."

"Sometimes." He offered an apologetic smile. "I thought it was obvious, my love for you."

"Obvious?" She raised a perfect eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, obvious. Why wouldn't I love such a beautiful and incredible person as you?"

"I can think on a couple of reasons. I tried to murder you, for instance."

"And then saved me. In the following time, you were up to tear down the entire universe in order to save my sorry arse. I never thanked you enough, although it was mad."

"That's how I am around you, but…" She was speaking with a straight face. "You saw me today. How I really am. No wonder you didn't love me, I am not good or worthy. And I am totally fine with it, you know, I have already accepted it. What I feel is enough."

"Well, please, past tense. If-clauses and all. I do love you, River, listen to my words. Nobody is always perfect or right. I'm certainly not, I do have me burden of bad choices and mistakes. Gallifrey, for example, I thought for years that I had burned up my planet, and it was really hard to load. You, by the other hand, was kidnapped and brainwashed to think it, killing me, was right." He cupped her cheek, softly brushing his thumb against her peach skin "And you know what? It was, you are only too stubborn to admit it."

"Of course it wasn't." She almost shouted, lifting to a sited position too quickly "I can even think about being without you, and so does the universe. How many planets would be damned? How many people would be dead?"

"And how many would be alive?" He signed "Well, it's hardly the point, we are talking about you. " He pulled her laid into his arms, resting her head next to his on his pillow "How good and wonderful you are. I see you, River. I'm not looking for someone who is perfect, so as I can follow around worshiping. I looking for you, someone who has a good and big heart, who is always willing to save words and constellations, who will pardon me more times than it should. Real and alive, River, and beautiful and kind and powerful."

"Despite the part where I forgive you too many times, and… Well, maybe I am remarkable, but it could be a lot of other people, not exactly me."

"You underestimate yourself too much, honey. Haven't you heard the part where I say "I want you, River"? No want, need. I need you, River. With all your flaws and virtues, with your fears and boldness. You make me whole. I would never make it alive without you many times."

"You are certainly making up for it, sweetie" she was almost crying. "Not that I thought you didn't like me at all, but… You know, you hang out with a lot of girls. Maybe I was just one of them, someone who is nice to have adventures with and send back home in the end."

"After that, I am almost offended! I didn't send any of them back home in the end of the day! I cherished them very much, okay! All my companions are my friends, and I do care about them." He brushed away the little tears coming down her face as tiny diamonds. "And you surely are more than a companion. You are my wife, and I love you because I do, because I don't know how not to do it and doesn't matter when, where or even how, I love you. Even when I was young and stupid, even now that I am old and, well, still a little bit stupid."

Without a second thought, she kissed him as if the universe was ending and this was their last chance. It was her first time kissing that old-new face of his, but somehow, it felt the same. Alright, new lips (maybe a little bit thinner) and a breath that now tasted a little like scotch (and last him hated anything with alcohol, so it would never happen), but the same intensity and care, or maybe even more. He kissed her like she was made of glass and would break if he was not careful enough.

"I was awful with you, my dear." He said after the kiss ended, his forehead still against hers and his hand lost in her hair. "The only fair question is how you love me."

"Well, you are very credible when in the mood, and I was a naïve girl."

"You? Naïve?" He lifted playfully an eyebrow at her "This word hardly can be related with you… Unless there is a "not" before."

"You don't give me enough credit, sweetie." She laughed, and suddenly the atmosphere in the room was lighter.

He kissed her again, just because he could. If once he hated any kind of touch, with his wife, it felt natural as breathing.

And starts and suns be damned, none of them was as radiant as River, or as important as her. While he melted into her embrace, his mouth on her neck and her mouth making those little soft noises, he was sure that, inside his head, he was staring at a breathtaking Zeta Ophiuchi* called River Song, too bright for his eyes, too hot for his skin. Could he be admired back?

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*Zeta Ophiuchi is the hottest and most bright star known, in accordance with wikipedia

Thank you if you read and sorry about any mistake (i like to think that i am becoming better on the language and making less of them everytime)


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